I have been considering sharing this for a while about one of the
things that first happened to me in the beginning of learning to walk in this
gospel. I have shared before about my rebellious ways and always wanting to do
what I wanted to do. God continues to reveal things to me about where I have
come from and what he has walked me through for this day. A friend has
ministered this to me many times that God looks on the heart. I will share with
you that growing up, I was always the quiet one. This was often mistaken as
“stuck up”, but if you ever really knew me you figured out that was not the
case. I was a people pleaser, and wanted everyone to be happy, even if that
meant I was miserable. I was also very trusting. I believed whatever you said.
Many people looked at me as nieve and it was kind of a joke that I was this way.
Well, if you go through life long enough like this, uhh… you get stepped on
constantly! There came a day when I got tired of it and thought the only way to
survive was to get a “if you can’t beat em, join em” attitude. That was when
much of the rebellion took off. I was brought to a couple of low, low places
during this time. The road I was on, was definitely not the way I was raised.
The things I was doing like I said was a means of what I thought you had to do
to survive with the world. To be myself, was very often considered weakness. But
you know, I didn’t know then that was the way my heart was made, quiet,
reserved, and I am learning now just like my dads’; it was not weakness. I have
too shared before about how when we began attending the meetings, I would set
there and funny things would happen to me. After a while all I felt like doing
was crying while setting there. But I would think, “oh gosh, I don’t want anyone
to see me, they will think I am weak. My heart had become so hard over the years
because of my new found attitude of, “if you can’t beat em’ join em’. I had come
to a place where I thought you had to be tough. I had come to a prideful place
in doing this. Anthony and I were married in 00. Although he had been listening
to this ministry since 94, we began attending in 03. Two /three years after this
I was at a job where I traveled quite a distance to get there. This place never
missed school! This one particular morning, I got a call and something had
happened and school was cancelled. So I was at home all day by myself. I thought
well, I would get on the website and do some reading there. I have shared before
I would read the testimonies on there and spent time reading Kathy Mai’s. I
cannot tell you which one I read of hers, I think though it was talking about
believing. I remember reading this particular testimony and something instantly
happened within me. It was if something from within me had lifted out and off of
me. All of a sudden everything changed within me. And I KNEW something had
changed. I had felt it instantly. It is a moment that remains dear because of
what has taken place in my life since that time. Have I arrived ABSOLUTELY NOT!
But I know where I have been, and I know what God has done in bringing me out of
it all, and what he continues to do. It often reminds me of II Corinthians 3: V
6 – 16 , more specifically (V) 15 – 18: (15)But even unto this day, when
Moses is read, the vail is upon their heart. (16) Nevertheless, when it shall
turn to the Lord, the vail shall be taken away. (17) Now the Lord is that
Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. (18) But we all,
with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into
the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord. My
heart I know was turned that day, and the vail removed. After that time the
other steps followed that God has walked and directed me through to bring me to
this place today. I continue to learn that you know what I didn’t have to “join
em”, because it is the strength of the Lord Jesus in me now. And for someone who
was never strong in the flesh, it is a blessing to know where this strength
comes from. It was God who made my heart a particular way for the purposes he
has called me for, and he is receiving the glory! Now there is liberty and
confidence toward God that I have never known. As he continues to set me free,
and deliver me from bondages, my heart continues to be turned towards Him, so
that I can come to him as a little child. Matthew 18 V.2: And Jesus called a
little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them, (3) And said, Verily I
say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall
not enter into the kingdom of heaven. (4) Whosoever therefore shall humble
himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. (5)
And whoso shall receive one such little child (or the one who has humbled
themselves as a child to obey the Lord) in my name receiveth me. I have
seen many people humble themselves and obey the Lord, no matter what it looked
like to anyone else. Humbling yourself is not setting there and being quiet, or
being ran over, and it most certainly isn’t a sign of weakness. Humbling
yourself is doing the will of the Father. If that means getting up and dancing
by yourself, shouting with a loud voice,or turning cartwheels, to obey would be
humbling yourself. (6) But whoso shall offend one of these little ones (
or the ones humbling themselves to obey God) which believe in me, it were
better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were
drowned in the depth of the sea. If we are all humbling ourselves as little
children we would receive what Jesus is doing in the Body of Christ and in its
members.
God Bless You,
Misty / February 18, 2010